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http://forums.catholic-convert.com/viewtopic.php?f=18&t=137134/ How to quit masturbation



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 Post subject: How to quit masturbation
PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 1:38 am 
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Greetings to everyone! This post was posted on another section already and is now put here as it seems a better place...
I desperately need some advice concerning how to quit masturbation. Please let me explain my case...

I have been indulging in masturbation and I fall into temptation almost once per day, for a few years since high school. I feel Im becoming less energetic probably because of that---also, I feel Im becoming a it dull and senseless in spirit. I have approached at least 5 different priests for confession about the problem, but each time I let God and myself down. I simply lose my discipline, compassion and sensitiveness.

Therefore, I would like to ask if anyone could possibly give me some practical advice on how to quit the habit, what to do while quitting and how to "repair" my soul---I really want to stop the dull feeling in myself If anybody has had experience successfully quitting that, kindly share your views...

Thank you so much and God bless you all! May the Lord have mercy on me.

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Preach the gospel always; and when absolutely necessary, use words.
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 Post subject: Re: How to quit masturbation
PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 7:29 am 
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Handmaids of the Lord
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Sometimes posts of a sexual nature are better in forums that are all female/all male, so this might end up being moved to one of those places later on (don't be surprised by it, just go with it -- the admins and mods here have a good sense of what is best for us as posters).

It seems to me that what is missing here is prayer. Develop a stronger prayer life and a deep, true devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary as her child. Never was a solely human heart more pure than hers. Ask her to help you stay pure, too. Just as a little child gets into less trouble by his earthly mother's side, so you will get into less spiritual trouble if you stay by your Heavenly Mother's side.

Don't look for any particular feeling. Don't look for this feeling of dullness to be replaced by anything. Understand that you have spiritual work to do, and you will feel dull (and a number of other things) while you are doing this spiritual work. It is what it is. God will remedy it in His time, when He sees fit.

Do you have a Rosary?

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During His trials Our Lord would not respond to the chief priests (Mt 14:61), or Herod (Lk 23:9) or Pilate (Jn 19:9). Words had failed. All that could penetrate those hardened hearts was the witness of divine love, the offering of His life to the Father. So also for us — when words fail the greatest way to “win” an argument is by acts of love. - Fr. Paul Scalia


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 Post subject: Re: How to quit masturbation
PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 11:08 pm 
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1. Receive Holy Communion as often as possible, if possible daily. Attend Mass everyday if possible, even if you cannot receive communion. Make frequent acts of spiritual communion when you cannot receive communion. Here is what I mean. Desire union with our Lord and love Him. Hence express that desire and ask Him to enter into your heart.

Here are two examples

Quote:
My Jesus, I believe that Thou art present in the Blessed Sacrament. I love Thee above all things and I desire Thee in my soul. Since I cannot now receive Thee sacramentally, come at least spiritually into my heart. As though thou wert already there, I embrace Thee and unite myself wholly to Thee; permit not that I should ever be separated from Thee.


Quote:
In order to facilitate a practice of such great excellence, ponder what I have to say. When the priest is about to give himself Communion in holy Mass, do you, keeping composed externally and internally, excite in your heart an act of true contrition, and humbly striking your breast, in token that you acknowledge yourself unworthy of so great a grace, make all those acts of love, of self-surrender, of humility, and the rest, which you are accustomed to make when you communicate sacramentally, and then desire with a lively longing to receive your good Jesus, veiled in the sacrament for your benefit. And to kindle your devotion, imagine that most holy Mary, or some saint, your holy advocate, is holding forth to you the sacred particle; figure yourself receiving it, and then, embracing Jesus in your heart, reply to Him, over and over again, with interior words prompted by love: “Come, Jesus, my Beloved, come within this my poor heart; come and satiate my desires; come and sanctify my soul; come, most sweet Jesus, come!” This said, be still; contemplate your good God within you, and, as if you really had communicated, adore Him, thank Him, and perform all those interior acts to which you are accustomed after sacramental Communion.


God bestows grace even outside the Sacrament to those who desire it through right intention.

2. Frequent ejaculations - um, I should explain. An ejaculation is a short prayer. An example "My Jesus I love you", "Jesus, make my heart like Thine", "Jesus, Mary, Joseph, be with me", "St. Joseph, pray for me". Or even just devoutly saying the names of our Lord and Lady. Do this especially when tempter.

3. Get to know your guardian angel. Invoke him frequently.

Angel of God, my guardian dear,
to whom His love commits me here,
ever this night (or day) be at my side,
to light and guard, to rule and guide. Amen.

Or even "My guardian angel, be with me"

4. St. Michael the Archangel. Pray to him

St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle; be our safeguard against the wickedness and snares of the Devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray, and do Thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host, by the power of God, cast into Hell, Satan and all the other evil spirits, who wander throughout the world, seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.

If you cannot remember this prayer, that is fine. Invoke him in your own words, he is the Angel scripture has casting Lucifer down

5. Do not try to combat impure images, that will just make them stay in your mind more. Distract yourself, through prayer and even through wordly distactions. If in the day or evening, get up, talk to people.

6. If disturbed by such thoughts while trying to sleep, get out of bed and pray for those who might be dying now and need your prayers.

7. Pray before being tempted. Here is what I mean, if there is a place or a time where you are usually tempted, then before that arrives, if it cannot be avoid, pray. Don´t wait until the enemy is upon you!

8. Pray when tempted. Again even something as simple as "Hail Mary, Hail Mary, etc" or "Stay with us, O Lord" or just "Jesus"

9. If you have any sacramentals (blessed scapulars, rosaries, holy water, etc) use them often.

10. If there is a "ritual" involved, break it. That is, if you have a set pattern of behavior that is associated with it, change your behavior. Try to change things up so as to break any association with it
 If there is a place or person that sets you off, avoid them if possible, otherwise minmise contact and pray before entering the place or meeting the person

11. I cannot stress this enough: do not obsess over it. If you do fail, the worst thing you can do is to beat yourself up for that. What you do when you do that is you keep it with you, you build stress and frustration. Stress and frustration can lead to impure thoughts, as a release. Likewise anger. 

12. In connection with 11, sometimes there are other causes, like stress, anger, loneliness. These may mitigate guilt, but you should try to work on them if they lead you to this sin.

13. While tempted, imagine that Mary and Jesus are looking right at you. Would you do this in front of your mother on earth? But yet in doing it you are doing it in front of God, His Mother and the host of angels and saints.

14. VERY IMPORTANT. You mention going to 5 different priests for confession. I know how frustrating it is when a priest doesn't bother to give any direction (they ought to give some direction in confession, when possible of course), or doesn't say anything new, or gives what seems like trivial advice. Even if the quality of direction in confession ought to be better, it can never be more than minimal. You need a spiritual director. He can be the same as your confessor, or different. It might even be a priest not close by, but that you trust. Or even not a priest, but a friar or nun. But spiritual direction, consistency, is important.

15. FAST and ABSTAIN. Friday abstinence is a good practice. Any mortification (within reason) that can be kept up. Maybe choose a day of the week to fast. Besides the spiritual benefit, certain foods lead to higher sexual drives. Abstaining from meat and other rich foods will help. Not all the time (unless you are called to that), but cutting down will help. This is connected with 14. Listen to a spiritual director, and follow his advice on penance. There will be greater merit than a penance voluntarily chosen, because you mortify your will by submitting it to another in choosing said penance. Besides, you want something that will be sustainable and not harmful. Outside eyes help




Lastly, and this is the hardest thing to hear. It will get harder before it gets easier. If you do this almost daily you are very strongly habituated, not only spiritually, but psychologically and physically to the act. Your very body will be geared for it.

I cannot stress this enough. You, by yourself, cannot win this battle. Only God can win this battle through you, with your will surrendered to Him. One must realize they are helpless before sin before they can fully understand what it is to rely on God. Also, don't try and set unrealistic goals. Work to avoid temptations and run away (distract yourself, go outside, be with people, PRAY) when they occur. Don't dwell on them. Don't dwell on falling. Don't set goals that will lead you to be disappointed in yourself ("well I last 3 days the last time, this time I am aiming for 5 days"). Simply resign yourself to this, that this is combat and until you are dead you are not out of the fight. Don't despair if you went a few weeks but fell again, or start falling more often again. Seek your director as a soldier would his commander. Get up, and keep moving forward. Trust in God.


I recommend very strongly "Spiritual Combat". At the very least, some spiritual reading

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 Post subject: Re: How to quit masturbation
PostPosted: Sat Dec 17, 2011 11:22 am 
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why do you wanna quit? is it a sin? what a male that is not married should do in alternative? isn't masturbation better than having sexual relationships without being married?


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 Post subject: Re: How to quit masturbation
PostPosted: Sat Dec 17, 2011 11:28 am 
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Yes, it is a sin. An unmarried male is supposed to refrain from intentional use of his sexual faculties. Masturbation is a good way to make it very difficult for yourself to have a mature relationship with a woman.

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The gentleman does not needlessly and unnecessarily remind an offender of a wrong he may have committed against him. He cannot only forgive, he can forget; and he strives for that nobleness of self and mildness of character which impart sufficient strength to let the past be but the past. A true man of honor feels humbled himself when he cannot help humbling others.--Robert E. Lee.

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 Post subject: Re: How to quit masturbation
PostPosted: Sat Dec 17, 2011 11:33 am 
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No one pretends that this is easy, BTW, and it can be very very hard to quit once you've acquired the habit.

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The gentleman does not needlessly and unnecessarily remind an offender of a wrong he may have committed against him. He cannot only forgive, he can forget; and he strives for that nobleness of self and mildness of character which impart sufficient strength to let the past be but the past. A true man of honor feels humbled himself when he cannot help humbling others.--Robert E. Lee.

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 Post subject: Re: How to quit masturbation
PostPosted: Sat Dec 17, 2011 12:43 pm 
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QBRAK wrote:
why do you wanna quit? is it a sin? what a male that is not married should do in alternative? isn't masturbation better than having sexual relationships without being married?


Even if it wasn't sinful it is still a very bad habit which will negatively impact a man's ability to have a healthy, normal relationship with a woman


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 Post subject: Re: How to quit masturbation
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 2:55 am 
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Obi-Wan Kenobi wrote:
Yes, it is a sin. An unmarried male is supposed to refrain from intentional use of his sexual faculties.


Why? kindly do u have any bible words that support your statement?


Obi-Wan Kenobi wrote:
Masturbation is a good way to make it very difficult for yourself to have a mature relationship with a woman.

Santa Doom wrote:
will negatively impact a man's ability to have a healthy, normal relationship with a woman


how come? please give some details


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 Post subject: Re: How to quit masturbation
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 8:33 am 
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Pro Ecclesia Dei wrote:
2. Frequent ejaculations - um, I should explain. An ejaculation is a short prayer. An example "My Jesus I love you", "Jesus, make my heart like Thine", "Jesus, Mary, Joseph, be with me", "St. Joseph, pray for me". Or even just devoutly saying the names of our Lord and Lady. Do this especially when tempter.


must... resist... urge.. must.. fight.. Satan...

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Therefore, if God wills that we be struck down by some affliction, take it as 
a sign that he considers us mature enough to be associated even more closely 
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 Post subject: Re: How to quit masturbation
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 8:47 am 
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QBRAK wrote:
how come? please give some details

Because your fantasies have no needs to be met, never say, "No," and have no imperfections.

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The gentleman does not needlessly and unnecessarily remind an offender of a wrong he may have committed against him. He cannot only forgive, he can forget; and he strives for that nobleness of self and mildness of character which impart sufficient strength to let the past be but the past. A true man of honor feels humbled himself when he cannot help humbling others.--Robert E. Lee.

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 Post subject: Re: How to quit masturbation
PostPosted: Thu Dec 22, 2011 6:49 pm 
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Obi-Wan Kenobi wrote:
QBRAK wrote:
how come? please give some details

Because your fantasies have no needs to be met, never say, "No," and have no imperfections.



Basically that is what I was getting at...overindulging in any kind of fantasy dulls the senses and makes one unable to appreciate reality...


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 Post subject: Re: How to quit masturbation
PostPosted: Thu Dec 22, 2011 8:37 pm 
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With respect to Bible verses: Onan is often mentioned in this context, but you will not find an explicit condemnation in so many words. But the Church has always understood the sixth commandment as prohibiting all intentional use of the sexual facility outside of a lawful marriage.

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The gentleman does not needlessly and unnecessarily remind an offender of a wrong he may have committed against him. He cannot only forgive, he can forget; and he strives for that nobleness of self and mildness of character which impart sufficient strength to let the past be but the past. A true man of honor feels humbled himself when he cannot help humbling others.--Robert E. Lee.

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 Post subject: Re: How to quit masturbation
PostPosted: Thu Dec 22, 2011 11:14 pm 
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What great advice from PED. I wish i could use quotes but using an android makes that very difficult. Christeelieson, one of the things that have helped me the most was daily communion. I, like you (but add many years to the habit) have struggled with this topic. Since my conversion i have made a decision I was no longer going to accept our modern view on masturbation and to actively start doing things to counter it. PED listed most of the things I could come up with and lots more. Even things I will incorporate now ( Thanks PED). If your like me porn plays a role so a simple google search could set off a compulsion. I sold my laptop and have this site on my desktop as a homepage and try to visit here once a day at least as i do on my phone. I also use St Micheal to do the fighting for me as PED said when we try and fight it satan gets stronger because we are powerless without God. We must use His strength. Another is working with others. When you feel the thoughts call a friend and ask them how their doing. Exercise is another but with prayer. When I fall I confess. It is a tough journey but I am proud of you for making it an important issue that stands between you and God. Its nothing but a self serving act and gets you nothing but more obsessed in a hollow act as a result, believe me I know.

I also dont think this thread should turn into "is it a sin" debate since Christeelieson is simply looking for help in this area and I commend Him for it.

1 comment:

  1. there is one method that actually will work,

    you have 2 pray in tongues for about 8 hours a day, and fast of course,

    i suggest reading franklin hall's book abc's of fasting, and reading the how 2 book, Walking in the Spirit by dave Robenson, from tulsa OK.

    and remember .. it's a mortal sin, just like adultry , and if you can not axcess the power of grace in this area , what makes you thinks you have the axcess of grace in any area of your life.

    and remember if the roman catholic system, this sin may send you to hell, so not only will you have a misery life, trying to combat the sin that so "easly besets you.. Heb 21;1, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run

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